Random Ramblings: (Not) Planning The Future

As long as I can remember I’ve been planning my future. When I knew what I wanted I planned it out. Sometimes I even had 6 years planned. But when life happens and you’re not able to stick to the plan it sucks. But it almost happens every time. 

I wanted to study Psychology for so many years. I wanted to make my Bachelor and Master so I could become a therapist. I knew that Psychology is a hard subject to get into. Thousands of people apply every year when there are only a few hundred places at university. I did have good grades but I knew it would not be enough, so I put a lot of pressure on myself. It came to the point that I had a black out in one of my exams, questioned everything I knew and did not get a good grade for it. After that I studied more and when the next exam came I got an A- but I was not happy with my grade. It was not enough.
That was when I gave up on my dream of becoming a Psychologist. I realised that I put too much pressure and and expected too much of myself – it was not healthy for me anymore.

I came up with another plan rather quickly. I wanted to be a concert manager. I got 2 3-month-Internships and knew that if I did good in the second one they might offer me a job. The first one started one week after I graduated and I was really excited. But after a while I realised that it just wasn’t for me. I finished the first internship but had to cancel my plans again because I just could not do this job for 3 more months.

I felt lost for a few weeks, even months. It was too late for me to apply anywhere and I didn’t know what to do next. At no point in my life as a student have I thought about taking a gap year. I always wanted to have no gaps because I thought it wasn’t right, but to be honest, it was the best decision ever. I’ve grown so much in the last few months. I don’t try to find an end goal and then try to find a way to work my way to it. Now, I know I want to go to University. I know I want to learn more about Languages. I don’t know what I want to achieve with it but I don’t care anymore. I’m not saying that this is the way to do it but I know that for me and in this moment it is the right thing to do.
So no, I don’t have a real plan anymore and it used to really scare me but I realised that there are so many possibilities. If I want to I can study something else after I studied English. If I want it, I can do it. I’m not saying that this is easy but everyone has so many options to choose from. I think we’re putting so much pressure on ourselves to find this one job that we’ll be doing forever. But there is not only one job for everybody. You can make up your mind so many times and try something new.

So if you’re in High School and don’t know what you want to do, taking a gap year is not a bad idea. We’ve got so much time and if you use it to travel or work in your hometown, it’s absolutely normal. You’ll learn so much about yourself and gain more experiences. And sometimes not having a 6-year plan is just the right thing.

Let me know about your experiences!

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